


An Anniversary

by thewightknight



Series: The Commander and the Inquisitor [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Lost Love, Romantic Angst, Sunsets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 16:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3389093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/pseuds/thewightknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 10 years since the Hero of Ferelden died defeating the Archdemon, and both Leliana and Cullen are melancholy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I'd commented on the first installment of this series, that I'd probably pretend that the Warden was still alive for the rest of it. Well, I guess I lied.

Eilrys was surprised to discover she actually enjoyed Josephine’s tea parties. Dalish teas tended towards the medicinal, and the exotic blends Josie served tickled her nose and exploded on her tongue with the richness of their flavors. And then there were the cakes! They did discuss serious business at least a portion of the time, but there was usually lots of giggling as well, especially on the days when Cullen managed to find a good enough excuse not to come.

Today, however, Cullen had flat out refused and walked away, no excuse given, and now Leliana was being much more serious than usual. She hardly participated in the conversation, and her laughter didn’t ring out as often. They adjourned early, and to her surprise, Leliana followed her out. Their spymaster usually headed straight for her tower and her ravens after one of these sessions.

“I must beg your pardon, Inquisitor, and apologize for Cullen as well, I think. We will most likely be out of sorts for the next few days.”

“Why are you both….” She had to pause as a commotion arose in the hall, servants raising banners in preparation for…. “Oh. The anniversary.”

“Yes, of the Hero of Fereldan defeating the Archdemon.” A pained expression crossed Leliana’s face.

_Dying while defeating the Archdemon_ , she thought, but didn’t say. Not knowing what else to do, she reached out, and Leliana took her hand briefly, squeezing it, then slipping away.

***

She had hardly seen Cullen over the past few days. There had been a flood of reports that came in after their initial exploration of the Exalted Plains, so she hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but now she realized that may have been an excuse and not a reason. 

She spent the next hour debating whether or not she should seek him out. The sun was just starting to sink below the mountains when she reached the battlements, and the view was magnificent. That gave her an idea, and she raced down to the cellars for a bottle of wine, then headed back up again to his office. 

The bang of the door when she opened it interrupted one of his men in mid-sentence, and everyone stared.

“Gentlemen and ladies, is the world about to end?”

There was a general shuffling of feet and clearing of throats, and one brave soul ventured, “Um, no, M’lady?”

“Wonderful. Give us an hour then, please?”

There was more foot shuffling as the soldiers looked back and forth between her and Cullen. She couldn’t cross her arms effectively, with her hands full of wine bottle and goblets, so she resorted to foot tapping. Cullen was trying to maintain his stoic Commander face, but the corners of his mouth were starting to twitch. 

Finally he took pity on his people. “I think we’ve covered everything essential. We’ll pick back up tomorrow morning. Dismissed.” 

No one was trampled on the way out the door, but not for lack of trying. When the last woman had filed out and closed the door behind herself, Cullen shook his head, chuckling. “Are you done terrorizing my soldiers, Inquisitor?”

“For the rest of the day, at least.” 

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

She held up the bottle. “There is an absolutely magnificent sunset going on right now, and we are going up to the roof of the tower and drink a bottle of wine and enjoy it together.”

The threatened grin became a full-blown smile, the one she saw so seldom, the one that melted her heart with its sweetness. By the lost Dales, she loved this man.

He relieved her of the goblets, and swept her a bow. “After you, my dear.”

***

The sunset did live up to its promise, and she started to regret bringing along only one bottle, watching Cullen relax bit by bit as she related stories and gossip from her recent excursions. She saved the best for last, and timed the punchline perfectly, delivering it just as he took a swallow from his goblet. The resultant spurt of wine through his nose was almost as spectacular as their mountain view in her mind.

She thought she had schooled her expression by the time his coughing had subsided but something must have given her away. Or he’d just come to know her too well. Either way, he accused her with exasperated fondness. “You did that on purpose.”

Why deny it, she decided. “I just thought you could use a distraction.”

“Have I been that obvious? I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. I know all this must be hard.” She gestured at the bustle evident in the courtyard even from their great height.

'It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years.” He sighed.

“You haven’t talked about that time much, or her, except for that one night at Haven.”

“It’s not usually considered to be good form, though, is it? Talking about past loves to your present.”

“I’d like to hear more about her, if you don’t mind talking. I feel a kind of kinship with her sometimes. Does that sound strange? We both seem to have been thrust into great events without much choice in the matter, at least.” 

She looked up, and watched his face change from relaxed to horrified. He started stammering. “You don’t think that I … that we … because you … I mean, you’re you and …” 

It never ceased to amaze her that he could still become so flustered in her presence. Watching the astounding play of emotions and colors across his face had her attention so thoroughly that it took longer than normal for her to figure out what he was trying to say, but when it registered she brought his babbling to a complete halt with a thorough kiss. 

"No, _ma vhenan_ , I do not believe that you are with me because I remind you of her. Silly shem.” She couldn’t keep herself from giggling at his comically relieved expression. 

“I’m so glad my discomfort continues to amuse you, my love.” She laughed again, and he began to chuckle in return, drawing her in close against him. 

After a moment, he continued. “Well, there’s no danger of comparison between the two of you, because aside from you both being elves and mages, there isn’t much else you have in common. She was much more ladylike, for one. Ow! My ear! Stop it! You do realize you just proved my point, don’t you?” He mock glared at her, and her laughter rang out across the battlements. He couldn’t keep it up for long, and she shortly found herself nestled in his arms.

After a bit, he began to speak. “She had dark hair, almost black.” He caressed her hair. “Her eyes that changed from grey to green, depending on her mood.” He kissed each of her eyelids. “She’d get this little smile when she was concentrating.” He kissed the corners of her mouth. “She’d have the same smile when I’d look her way and our eyes would meet, except it would fill her eyes too. It was infectious, that smile – people always seemed to be smiling too, whenever they were with her.” He’d been staring down at her, but his eyes weren’t focused on her anymore. “So many mages in the tower were unhappy. They were afraid of their powers, or they resented being at the tower. She was a breath of fresh air.”

He was staring off into the distance now. “She inspired the people around her, too. I saw it in the apprentices she trained with, and in the companions she brought with her when she cleared the tower after Ulric’s rebellion. People would, and did, die for her, because they knew she would die for them.” He paused, swallowed. “And she did.”

“I spent years wondering if things might have gone differently, if I’d left the tower with her. Could I have protected her? Would she still be alive, and what would the years after been like if she’d lived? I blamed myself for her death, and I was angry for myself with the way we parted, and that anger spilled out onto everything I did.”

“And then one day, I was watching a mage training some of the apprentices, and she smiled and she laughed as one of them mastered a spell he’d been working on for weeks, and … something broke, and I wasn’t angry anymore. And I looked around me, and I thought what she would think of how it was, there at the circle in Kirkwall, and I knew she’d be sickened by it and for good reason. And I let go, and I started living again.”

“I hadn’t really let go, though, not all the way. I realized that when I met you. It took me that long to realize that that we’d hardly ever exchanged any words, that I’d spent so long being in love with the idea of her but that I didn’t actually know her. I couldn’t tell you whether she liked sweets, or what her favorite color was, or how she liked her eggs, or even if she liked breakfast at all.” His arms tightened around her and she leaned into his embrace. “I couldn’t tell you if she liked bad puns and playing pranks on people.” She couldn’t help but chuckle at that, and she could feel him laughing as well, a deep rumble in his chest. “I couldn’t tell you what her hair smelled like.” His breath tickled her ear and she shivered, and again as his lips brushed down along her neck. She leaned into him, reaching up, burying one hand in his hair, tracing the length of his chin with the other. “I couldn’t tell you what it was like to look into her eyes and see love reflected back at me. It took meeting you for me to realize the difference between infatuation and love. I can’t imagine what the rest of my life would have been with her. I can with you.”

The sun continued to set, bathing the sky in golds and reds as it sank below the mountains, but they didn’t notice, too lost in each other’s eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come say hi over on [tumblr](http://thewightknight.tumblr.com/).


End file.
